Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Oh the Humanity! School Terrorized By Chalk Graffiti
From Emory University: An unidentified person wrote "Trump 2016" in chalk on various surfaces across campus. (Source)
Whiny and educationally-bankrupt students complained that their "safe space" had been violated. The university president, who apparently has no genitalia, responded by admitting the students have a "genuine concern and pain."
The president of the university also outlined a four-step plan to deal with the problem of unrestrained chalk artists. The plan consists of academic jargon and language obfuscation, unintelligible to any who are uninitiated in the Mysteries of Academia. It uses such phrases as "procedural deficiencies," and "structured opportunities," and "social justice opportunities."
Seventeen faculty and twenty-three students were treated for minor injuries after they were overcome with religious ecstasy while reading the president's statement.
The manhunt is on to catch the perp or perps in this heinous act of blatant disregard for the feelings of the nancy students at Emory University. Perhaps they'll need to call in the FBI, as chalk graffiti may fall under the category of terrorism.
Thank the Grand Academic that student organizations are offering counseling to anyone who may have been impacted by what they had seen. We wouldn't want any student to suffer from PTSD after being confronted by politics, or chalk, or the actual name of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
The day after, the chalk graffiti was swapped with touchy-feely messages of anti-hate, unicorns, and all things Bernie Sanders.
Perhaps the students really do need that counseling after all.